coaching — Blog — Mat Shaffer

RING RING RING! Oh no... here we go again.

As you wake up, the first thing that hits you is a feeling rather than a thought.

Maybe it’s a clenching in your chest.

A shortness of breath.

A demoralizing sense of being buried...of total powerlessness.

You roll over in a futile attempt to go back to sleep, knowing full well that isn’t happening. There’s nowhere to hide from what’s coming next.

A tsunami of stress washes over you - all the responsibilities of the day ahead come crashing into your consciousness, putting specific words to your panic and bringing the emotional tailspin into high definition.

One thought SCREAMS through your head:

“HOW AM I GOING TO GET THROUGH TODAY?"

The overwhelm has begun... and your eyes aren’t even open yet.

Does this sound familiar to you?

Does just reading the words cause a little tingle of anxiety to wash through your body?

You are not alone.

Overwhelm may seem like something that only you understand or deal with, but it’s actually a common problem for almost all of us. It can come from so many sources and be rooted in so many things, but there is a common theme - what is STEALS from us.

It takes our power, and puts us in a VICTIM state of mind.

Think of it like driving with the parking brake on. We are striving to move forward, but we are dealing with so much resistance that it’s making us slow and grinding us down. It’s draining our energy, and reducing our efficiency to a FRACTION of what it could be.

Overwhelm robs us of our life, our confidence, and even our identity.

The good news is that it CAN be managed, and its’ power CAN be taken away.

It all starts with understanding WHERE your overwhelm is coming from and WHAT is feeding into it.

Here are 5 helpful steps to understand your overwhelm and begin to take it on!

1) Get OBJECTIVE about what’s going on

Ask yourself - is your situation REALLY overwhelming OR are you just lacking effective coping skills/emotional management?

When we are in a negatively charged state of mind it can be hard to see the forest for the trees. Take a deep breath, leave your emotions at the door and be a scientist about HOW you are feeling and WHY you are feeling that way. Journal about it.

Bottom line: If you only have a couple reasonable things on your plate but are in total meltdown, overwhelm might not be the real issue.

2) Shift your MINDSET

Remind yourself that YOU created this situation, and no one but you can change it. You are the sole, uncontested author of your life.

So take responsibility, OWN the overwhelm, and let go of your victim story about what's happening FOR you, not TO you.

Bottom line: It’s no one’s “fault,” but it IS your responsibility…and you have the power to shift at ANY TIME!

3) Identify MINDSET ISSUES that are adding to your overwhelm

Our mind can be our biggest ally or greatest enemy.

Really take a LOOK at your habits and thoughts around addressing your responsibilities, and identify if you:

procrastinate (“I didn’t have time to do it” is easier to say than “I don’t believe I could do it")
are a perfectionist (“I can’t let go of it unless it’s flawless)
are easily distracted (shiny object/SQUIRREL syndrome!)
have a fear of intimacy (needing to stay busy = intimacy avoidance)
have fear of success/failure (as long as I’m overwhelmed I don’t have to reach a result)

Bottom line: All of these are rooted in PAIN AVOIDANCE and FEAR, and bog us down! We get to identify and take these patterns on.

4) See if TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS are part (or all) of the issue

Toxic, energy-sucking relationships can cause overwhelm on their own, OR drain so much of our resources that they make the other parts of our life unmanageable and overwhelming!

Remind yourself that sometimes, loving someone isn't enough, especially if the relationship is damaging to your peace of mind and sense of self.

Bottom line: Eliminating these destructive connections is critical to your growth! Take a stand to either shift these relationships, or remove them altogether from your life.

5) Ask if HEALTH issues are contributing to your overwhelm

Finally, ask yourself some very important questions:

How much coffee/caffeine are you drinking a day?
Are you eating enough green, "live" food?
Do you take vitamins?
How much sleep are you getting?
Do you exercise?
Do you meditate?

Bottom line: All of these areas and MANY more can be impacting your ability to effectively handle your responsibilities. Make your physical and mental health your priority, and watch the world transform.

These 5 strategies will help you build UNDERSTANDING and AWARENESS of your overwhelm and how to begin taking this paralyzing force in a powerful way. In our next blog post, we will explore some effective action steps to eliminate overwhelm from your life.

Now I’d love to hear from you!

What causes you overwhelm in your life?

What strategies have worked for you to manage it in the past?

Apply these strategies and share if they work for you!

Post your feedback in the Comments!

If you enjoyed this blog post and think others could find it beneficial, sharing is caring :)

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Recently I was walking my beloved little Boston Terrier Bosco along the beautiful canyon behind my house. It was just before sunrise. I approached the rim and gazed into the distance, taking a present breath and allowing the beauty of the moment to wash over me.

The air was crisp, clean and cool.

The sun glowed behind the mountains and cast its light down into the lush green valley below, giving the world a gentle preview of the radiant day to come.

Bosco pooped quietly in the distance, effortlessly appreciating the gorgeous view while doing his business. He’s always been a good multi-tasker.

The serenity of the moment was intoxicating.

Then I saw a sign at the base of the hill before me, one that reminded all who enter the valley that this used to be a military bombing area during World War 2, and that explosive shells are STILL buried below the surface. It explained that with the passage of time and erosion, or if someone were to dig in the valley, these dangerous weapons can become unearthed and could EXPLODE if mishandled.

Then it struck me - each of us are so similar to this timeless, beautiful valley.

We all want to project peace, beauty and strength; and on the surface it's easy to present that to those around us.

That’s the image we usually show to our coworkers, loved ones, and ESPECIALLY our social media followers. We want to believe that this projected image is all that we are, and we want everyone else to believe it too.

But the truth is that we have all gone through trauma in our past; we’ve all been “bombed" in one way or another by people and experiences.

No matter how much time has passed, and how peaceful, stable and lush our lives may look from the outside, if we haven’t done specific work on ourselves to REMOVE these shells...some of them are still with us.

They lay just below the surface of our consciousness in our emotional core - our ego. They leach their poison into the soil of our hearts and minds, influencing our thoughts, perceptions and actions. And if they get unearthed without prior awareness, they can explode and cause MASSIVE damage in our lives.

These bombs are called triggers, and believe it or not we all have them. Their danger and power is most profound when they exist in secret, so here’s an exercise that will help you identify them in your own life.

I want you to remember a time in your recent life when you massively overreacted to something that happened to you. And when I say overreacted, I mean you went 10x or more beyond what the normal reaction would be for that situation.

Also it’s important to confirm that you weren't subject to another powerful influence that would explain it - hormonal issues, lack of sleep, etc.

DING DING DING! You’ve likely found a trigger! Celebrate for a second, then get your game face on - now the real work begins.

This is your "YES I just found a trigger!" face.

I invite you to look back at your life and go trigger hunting.

Examine the trauma of your past, find those shells lurking beneath the surface. Evaluate how they've unearthed themselves in your life over the years, exploding and turning minor situations into dramatic distractions. Ask yourself if the wounds you’re carrying, and the fear and pain they cause, have influenced the decisions you’ve made over the years.

What have they cost you personally and professionally?

I challenge you to take responsibility for your triggers, rather than be victim to them.

Here is a three step process to banish them from your life forever.

1) Identify - Recognize the times you’ve melted down over minor things and the wounds that they are dredging up in your life. Triggers begin to lose their power once they're seen and acknowledged.

2) Take ownership - EMBRACE your triggers as a part of who you are, and consciously disallow them from impacting your reactions and feelings. Once this happens then they lose EVEN MORE of their power.

3) Forgive everyone involved - Surrender the bitterness and anger surrounding your triggers and allow yourself to forgive not only the people/situations that hurt you but most importantly FORGIVE YOURSELF. Remember you can never pour from an empty cup. Once you release the blame, guilt, self-loathing and whatever other poison you’ve been holding in regarding these experiences, you can finally let them go.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING - So Mat, are you saying that if you do this that you will never be triggered again? Absolutely not. Whether we like it or not, our triggers are a part of who are.

BUT you will be emotionally aware enough to see and manage your triggers effectively, and empowered enough to not let them derail your life. The more you practice this, the better you will get at it and the more peaceful, free and joyful your life will become.

Now I’d love to hear from you!

Have you recently experienced yourself getting triggered over something that shouldn’t have been that big of a deal?

What is your reaction during triggers, and how do you deal with them as they occur or after?

Post your answers in the comments!

If you enjoyed this blog post think others could find it beneficial, sharing is caring :)

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